I've never been one that panicked much, but unfortunately last week I found out that my grandmother has 4 major blockages in her heart of 80%,98%, and another two at 99%. She's having open heart surgery in the morning and I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my families sake, but I feel like I'm dying inside. She's 78 years old and has basically refused to take her cholesterol medicine that could have prevented this entirely. She still eats fatty foods, and still push mows her 1 acre yard in the summer, how someone can still do this in her condition is beyond me. I really don't know what I'll do if something happens to her. As I mentioned in my last entry, I've had a dis functional family, and her along with my mother and sister are the only people that's stuck with me my entire life. I just can't imagine living life without her. I do feel guilty though because ever since I started working I don't go visit her as much as I should, if I could go back in time I would have used every free second I had to be with her. I'm just scared, if I could I'd let the surgeons take my heart out just so she could stay healthy.
Sorry that this is so short, but we're about to go pick her up so she can spend the night with us. I love you grandma, and wish you nothing but the best. I'll be praying for you.
-Matt
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Torn
I feel that I should make an attempt to introduce myself since I'm fairly new to this. My name is Matthew McClelland, I'm a 23 year old aspiring comedian, actor, and radio personality. I've never attended any type of college or university with the exception of WyoTech, which I realized shortly after graduation was a huge mistake and a pretty easy way to burn through $35,000 in a nine month span. I come from what most would call a dis functional family. My biological father walked out on my mom when I was 3 months old, and I only recall seeing him once since then. I have an amazing relationship with my mother that I wouldn't change for anything, I truly believe that the hardship me and her went through together has made our relationship much stronger than I ever thought possible. When I was growing up I was somewhat troubled. I didn't try very hard in high school and despite having an IQ of 131, I just scraped by most of the time. I was bullied and picked on, I wasn't good at sports, I was basically committed to wear secondhand clothing, yet somehow I managed to stay away from drugs throughout my entire high school career. If you see me with some sort of alcoholic beverage in my hand it's probably at some sort of special occasion. I really enjoy reading, but I have a hard time finding something that holds my interest for more than a chapter or two. I work a meaningless job that bores the death out of me, I drive a crappy Chevy Cobalt that looks like its been hit by a semi truck.
I'm sure that the majority of people reading this are either bored out of their mind by now, or in desperate need of a Prozac. Well believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty cheerful person who enjoys the simple things in life. Listening to my favorite Stevie Wonder album on a Saturday night, going down to the riverfront park and just watching the boats sail by, and good food are just a few things that'll get me to smile. I'm not much of a write though as you can tell, even though I like to think I'm somewhat better than the average bear.
The main reason I'm writing all of this is because I'm faced with a dilemma. I've never been the type of person that follows the standards of society and I feel like I should be doing something that seems too far out of reach. My ultimate goal would be to either tour the country performing stand-up comedy, or to be a working actor. Recently I've found myself thinking about this more and more to the point that I'm actually considering selling all of my possessions, with the exception of a few outfits, suitcases, and a few of my grandfathers coins he left me, buying a one way plane ticket to either NYC or LA, and hoping for the best. I realize this is just about as crazy as one could be, and I don't really think my family would be on board with it, but for some reason it feels like the right thing to do. You only get one life, why not spend it doing something you love? Even if I am lucky and live to be the average age, I'm already over 1/4 of the way through my life. Maybe I am crazy then? I've always felt that the crazy people were the ones saying that you have to go to college, you have to get a good job. I wonder what the world would be like if everyone followed their dream, if you're doing what you love then kudos to you, but I don't want to be sitting in a nursing home asking myself those two words that I've come to dread....what if?
Well that's all for now, you can comment or subscribe if you'd like (you can do that, right?) I would love to hear from people whether they think what I'm considering is dumb or not. Happy blogging everyone!
Until next time
-Matt McClelland
I'm sure that the majority of people reading this are either bored out of their mind by now, or in desperate need of a Prozac. Well believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty cheerful person who enjoys the simple things in life. Listening to my favorite Stevie Wonder album on a Saturday night, going down to the riverfront park and just watching the boats sail by, and good food are just a few things that'll get me to smile. I'm not much of a write though as you can tell, even though I like to think I'm somewhat better than the average bear.
The main reason I'm writing all of this is because I'm faced with a dilemma. I've never been the type of person that follows the standards of society and I feel like I should be doing something that seems too far out of reach. My ultimate goal would be to either tour the country performing stand-up comedy, or to be a working actor. Recently I've found myself thinking about this more and more to the point that I'm actually considering selling all of my possessions, with the exception of a few outfits, suitcases, and a few of my grandfathers coins he left me, buying a one way plane ticket to either NYC or LA, and hoping for the best. I realize this is just about as crazy as one could be, and I don't really think my family would be on board with it, but for some reason it feels like the right thing to do. You only get one life, why not spend it doing something you love? Even if I am lucky and live to be the average age, I'm already over 1/4 of the way through my life. Maybe I am crazy then? I've always felt that the crazy people were the ones saying that you have to go to college, you have to get a good job. I wonder what the world would be like if everyone followed their dream, if you're doing what you love then kudos to you, but I don't want to be sitting in a nursing home asking myself those two words that I've come to dread....what if?
Well that's all for now, you can comment or subscribe if you'd like (you can do that, right?) I would love to hear from people whether they think what I'm considering is dumb or not. Happy blogging everyone!
Until next time
-Matt McClelland
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)