I've never been one that panicked much, but unfortunately last week I found out that my grandmother has 4 major blockages in her heart of 80%,98%, and another two at 99%. She's having open heart surgery in the morning and I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my families sake, but I feel like I'm dying inside. She's 78 years old and has basically refused to take her cholesterol medicine that could have prevented this entirely. She still eats fatty foods, and still push mows her 1 acre yard in the summer, how someone can still do this in her condition is beyond me. I really don't know what I'll do if something happens to her. As I mentioned in my last entry, I've had a dis functional family, and her along with my mother and sister are the only people that's stuck with me my entire life. I just can't imagine living life without her. I do feel guilty though because ever since I started working I don't go visit her as much as I should, if I could go back in time I would have used every free second I had to be with her. I'm just scared, if I could I'd let the surgeons take my heart out just so she could stay healthy.
Sorry that this is so short, but we're about to go pick her up so she can spend the night with us. I love you grandma, and wish you nothing but the best. I'll be praying for you.
-Matt
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